Sunday Whine

I figured its been a while since I talked about why being an Army Wife sucks and why I just want this part of lives to end, so I figured today was as good as day as ever to bring it up again. Its not just the big things that make deployment so hard - the missing of birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or missing crises or family emergencies (that sucks too, don't get me wrong) - but its often the day to day stuff that makes it impossible. I recently left Active Duty and got a new job. This process, though stressful, went fairly smoothly, but it was definitely made harder without my husband. There was no one to give me a good luck kiss and hug before my interviews. No one to tell me my suit looked ok before I left or help calm my nerves on my cell phone before I went into the office. When I got the job, I couldn't even call my husband to tell him, but had to wait until he was able to call me and not know when that would be. No one to have a glass of wine with that night to celebrate or take me out for dinner for a well fought victory. And here I am the night before I start my new job. No one here to help soothe my first day anxieties and jitters. No one to give me a kiss as I leave for work tomorrow morning and tell me they can't wait to hear how my first day went. Again, as I try to sleep tonight, nervous about what tomorrow may bring, I can't even call my husband. Its these small things - the Sundays on your own, no hugs at the end of a long day, no one to share Chinese take out with - all these things that were supposed to come with marriage that make this deployment so hard and in the last couple months of this deployment are really leaving me hanging on by a (fraying) string.